H + J 4ever

Tomorrow is a big day. We (Jose and I) are celebrating our anniversary. Most of you know the story, high school sweethearts, making it in the long haul. Let's just say we were an old married couple long before our time. 17 years ago we were beginning our relationship. He would like you all to know I stalked him. Truth be told, I did. lol Just don't tell him I confessed. I sawe something I liked and wasn't going to let it get away. Little did I know it would be more than a date for Sr Prom.

He asked me to marry him on our 6th anniversary-at our beach in Half Moon Bay. It was the beach we first started to hang out at in our 1st summer dating.

We were married a year later to the day.

It has been great so far. I was looking around tonight while reading the girls their bedtime story. It is amazing to me what our life has led to so far. Even the clutter and messes...they represent LIFE. They represent us thriving and growing and building on our love.

I am so thankful-daily-for my husband. He is my friend, my support, my partner. He is my love, my life, my one. I look forward to enjoying the time ahead of us as we continue to evolve.

Just a few pictures to represent our journey...

Laketime

Yesterday we hit the lake. Jose got some fishing time in, and mama got some sunshine, the girls got some fresh air and nature exposure.



Here are some pics from our adventure.

Learning To Let Go

Have you noticed yet that I am a control freak? This is in stark contrast to my procrastinating and not so tidy household...but, in all other parts of my world I have high expectations of order and control. HA!

When I was teaching, I wrote plans. Plans that told me what to teach and when. They had reason, and if those failed, I had contingency plans. Back up plans to follow plans. All of this would ideally lead to order and control and peace on earth.

Being a parent has given me a venue for my controlling needs....Now, I have 2 little people that are supposed to march and sing and dance within my realm of order. (Don't be thinking I am a Tyrant...not so) To be honest, all the little needs and routines fit right into my idiosyncrasies. Maybe a little too much. I like seeing a formula and then adopting it. So when the experts said to feed the baby ever 2 hours, feed I did. When they said that naps should happen every 2 hours, I napped the baby. When they said bedtime should have a bath, and and music and a story, and happen the same nightly, I made that happen. You see? Just tell me what should be and I will make it happen-perhaps in my own fashion, but happen it will.

This is mostly a good thing. But gone are the days of random spontaneity. We used to pick up and go. Me with my backpack of reading and snacks and various happy day things. Jose with a tackle box. Driving aimlessly we would explore and have a day. Stopping wherever for some sort of food and treats, there were no rules. It was fun.

Having kids made this sort of disappear...If a day of meandering was to happen, there needed to be some planning and organizing. Food, clothes, entertainment all multiplied by 4 or 5 to solve all possible urgencies. By the time we packed, it was hours into the morning and mountains of C-R-A-P at the door of the car. At the end of the day someone was unhappy and the next day would be horrible because of the fallout. It wasn't worth it. I would rather stay home and keep things even keeled and normal.

Life is changing though. My girls are older. They make clothes less messy. The entertain differently. They can eat so many different things (and I can let them enjoy an extra cookie instead of worrying about the nutritional intake). I like it. Truly I do not enjoy OVER thinking things. It's a compulsion.

In that past 2 weeks we have gotten out for a few drives. It's fun showing our world to the girls. It's nice re-connecting with Jose while we drive and explore. We can dream and create ideas of what our future could be like. There is more flexibility and everyone can cope a little bit better. I am finding that it s hard to re-wire myself, but when I do, it's very worth it!

Happiness is....

You know those bumper stickers? Happiness is being a Grandparent? Yeah, I found myself re-writing them today. Here's what I came up with.

Happiness is:

1. Listening to my girls play. laugh and interact.
2. Driving down the street and having Elly label the trees as we pass.
3. Listening to my Bri talk on the phone with her grandma.
4. Seeing my babies grow and develop into little people.

There are a million more I am sure, but suffice it to say that simply put-I am happy. Depite the minor complaints, life is pretty damn good.

Today I was THAT Mom with THAT kid....

I should have known that last night's lack of sleep for at least 2 of us would make for a brutal day. Add that to the impending full moon? A recipe for disaster.

It started out ok. After settling into some early morning sleep, the girls and I woke up around 8am. Not so bad (well if you look past the part that Bri in my bed **STILL** was the reason for sleeplessness). We got some breakfast into us, dressed for the dreary summer day. Headed out with a neighbor for a neighborhood walk. Nice. I was able to get a workout in, socialize-and the the girls were relatively mellow. Nice.

The next step in our day's plan was to pack into the vehicle and head out for some errands. Dollar Store here we come! I am looking for some crayons and notepads in the CARS theme for a bday present. (In my defense I am not cheap-they will be paired with HOMEMADE toys in CARS fabric theme...really-I will snap some pics to prove it in a bit.)

Anyway. Into the store we went. There were no carts, so I opted for hand holding and a basket to carry. Well now. Bri fell apart because I declared it a Mama Only Basket. As in a "I need to not have 2 little girls fighting over who can carry it basket". There I was trying to contain a fully tantruming 2 year old, a spirited independant 4 year old, and scanning the shelves to find my crap quickly and get the heck outta there.

Seriously.

My lack of sleep and this mess was enough to A) make be start bawling myself B)grab all the sugary bad for me snacks for a naptime self medication C) Both of the above D) Pack em up and head out.

I contained myself enough to spot an empty cart. Forced still screaming child into the seat, and steered towards the kids aisles. Alas, after all that I was forced to use option D. There were no freaking CARS things.

As I worked us out of the store, The Tantrum of the Century continued. Now, because she didn't want to go....By the time we were firmly and blessedly back into the privacy of our truck, I realised Bri's sippy was still in the store...Uhm yeah, no chance of me returning. I was not going to go back into the store and have all those people looking at me with stares of "can't you control your child?" and "what's wrong with your parenting, my kid NEVER did THAT".

This gives merit to online shopping....and shopping at midnight while hubby and the girls sleep peacefully. Or becoming a grinch and not spending a dime....

This too will pass I know.

Forward Progress!

It's been awhile, and I think I am due for an update on my mission to be healthier and to lose weight.

I am 1 year and 1 month from weaning Bri. I mark my start date as June '08. I am 19 pounds lighter. I am 3 sizes smaller in my waist. I am 1-2 sizes smaller in shirt sizes (depending on the cut and all that). My boobs dropped a cup size and my feet went up a half size! (Go figure...).

I went from forcing myself to walk twice a week to now walking 2-3 times a week PLUS running (which I crave!). I was pushing to run a block while pushing the girls' stroller. NOW I am setting up to do my 1st 5K! I can run a 10 minute mile!

Where do I go for here? Maintainance for sure! I googled my suggested height and weight. I could probably shoot for another 5 pounds. That would give me some room to play. I will be continuing my exercise regimes. I would like to make my mommy pouch go away-crunches here I come!

I am feeling good about my body-1st time in a long while and I am enjoying the fashions again. My closet took a hit, clothes are old, oversized and uninspired. I am finding extra pennies to pump some life into it again.

I will be trying to do a before and after picture post, but not yet....

Thanks for cheerleading!

The View From the Other Side

This week, I can finally empathize with parents of the students I used to teach.

Elly finished her preschool session last week. 6 months of 3 days a week, 3 hours a day....not only was she absent from the house those hours, but the energy spent carried into other portions of our lives. She was getting social, intellectual interaction as well as life in a world all of her own. One where we could ask what happened in her day and she could choose just how much she would share (not much usually...).

Now she is home for summer break. She is demanding. She wants activities, she wants stories, she wants to go outside, she wants to go places. Imagine that! I have to write lesson plans for my 4 year old daughter. Somewhere in that I need to make sure the two year old is appropriately engaged. Somewhere in THAT I need to cook and clean (yeah....ok....it sounds good though-right?). Somewhere in that I need to carve out time for exercise and my own crafty projects. It's a lot to ask of me!

I remember those faces, of the parents. Looking into my eyes with apprehension and reassurance. They were hoping I would offer some resource for them that would keep them from having to entertain their children for the next 6 weeks. On the other hand, I was jumping for joy to be saying Sayanara to being center stage for 20 children. Adios, toodles, etc. See ya in August!

Here I am trying to find a balance between play dates, classes, field trips, free play time, and stay home and veg time. It's damn hard.

I do have to say, that the girls are really enjoying each other. They are playing, crafting, whatever. Less fighting more playing. I LOVE IT! I love the relationship they are building. I love the peace, and I love the voices.

As a side note, all the above perceived problems are meaningless in light a friends' news. She has a small son, about the age of Bri, with a stomach tumor. It is cancerous, and proves to be difficult in removing. I am constantly reminded of how delicate life is and how lucky we are to have our girls, bickering and demands included. I am thankful.