Friday, March 27, 2009

Happy 4th Birthday to my 1st Baby Girl!



Today is a wonderful day! Elly turns 4! It is with wonder, amazement and pride that I look back at our adventure thus far! From the long awaited pregnancy to the swollen legs and 26 hours of labor, to chubby cheeks and curly first locks of hair, to an inquisitive and sensitive toddler, to our preschooler, it has not failed to be fabulous (even the hard and difficult times are well worth it!) We are blessed to have our Elly Girl and it is mind boggling to imagine forward to all the experiences that will be as we continue to help shape and mold her into an adult. I risk turning this post into a sappy hallmark card of mother's wishes and memories...so in lieu of that I will share a few pictures...

Then
Today

Monday, March 23, 2009

Think Tink!



We are preparing for a small friends party for Elly's 4th birthday. She has chosen the Tinkerbell theme. As an activity, we will be doing a spin on the classic Pin the Tail on the Donkey. I asked Jose if he would be willing to draw out a poster sized Tinkerbell without wings. The kids will be placing wings on her in the game. Here is his masterpiece!

Of course, it took him all afternoon to complete. The girls enjoyed watching her come to life on his sketch pad, and last night before going to bed, Bri said good night to Tink. Awesome!

Accomplished!

It's too bad no one can read my mind, because I have written a ton of blog posts...in my mind. They never made it to actuality this week. Let me tell you, I had great intentions....BUT the week was so awesome, guess that's why the time was never made.

It was one of those weeks.....

It was "spot on"!

I felt like it was all working so well, and now that I write about it...I bet the mojo goes away.

Last week was a week when I was feeling it all come together. Perhaps the timing is right and I will be seeing more like this? I have had time to exercise a lot, and seeing and feeling results is amazing! Keeps a girl inspired... I was able to get to more things around the house-makes the world feel less chaotic when it is tidy. The girls and I were jiving without full moon hijacking. They listened more to me, they played well alone and together and as a group we we in good form. It wasn't stressful, emotional or hard. It was smooth and awesome.

Imagine that, feels like life after babyhood is finally congealing a bit. My girls are getting older (almost 4 and almost 2), so we could see some sort of normalcy....sleep is happening, mommy is getting a little bit of mommy back, the girls are developing into little people.

It's a nice feeling. One that this control freak appreciates to the utmost.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Accepting and Acknowledging....

In the past week I have been mulling over a concept.

BALANCE.

Definition from American Heritage online
verb-To bring into or maintain in a state of equilibrium.

For a control freak such as myself, this is a topic of persistence. I find it permeates in my parenting, my personal world, and general rationalization that often floats in my brain.

Currently it can applied to finding the perfect balance for a person (specifically my Grammy) after having a life altering accident. For me, for this situation....it all balances on the idea of integrity. This is a lady that has had 80 years of strong independent living. She was influenced by the financially critical years of The Great Depression. She graduated at 16 from high school. Having grown up in Maine, she worked her way out to the west coast, stopping at various intervals for work and school.

Without sounding like a eulogy (because while that is something that could be needed at some point in the near future, we are NOT there yet....), my point is to indicate what shaped her as she grew into the person I know.

After falling in November, she has still not left the hospital. Well, she has, but has been in the rehab facility. Either way, it's not home. We as a family have been rushing to arrange matters because Grammy is being released from her facility due to little progress in her physical therapy. Truth be told, I don't believe that anyone believes she will ever be independently mobile. It would be nice...

So now, we are having to recognize that an era is ending and a new reality will have to be created. My mom and aunts have been scrambling to make it happen. I have helped whenever possible. The new reality, will be that Grammy is being moved to my Aunt and Uncle's house. She will require 24 hour care, while being mostly in bed....the balance that I keep struggling with has to do with the extreme change of lifestyle for my Grammy. There is no grace involved. Kinda like a clumsy attempt at dancing (like I do....).

Before the fall, she was out and about on her own-in complete charge of her own care, of her own home and life business, make thoughtful choices about the direction she wanted to go-short term and long term. Now, there is no weekly bridge game, no knitting (she can't remember the patterns she has ALWAYS knitted), no painting, no walking the 2 blocks to Traders for her 2 Buck Chuck and other grocery miracles. Now, she relies on someone for everything-personal care, a glass of water, remembering things.

Her house will be empty for a while, and probably boxed up and sold. Her castle. She left in an ambulance thinking she would be home after her leg healed. She hasn't been back in 3 months. It is doubtful she will again. I walk in there and look around-absorbing it all. Thinking of her motives in decor, of the photos she has all over, and why those are the ones she opted to have out. I look at her food in the cabinets, thinking of her plans to make a meal. Material items being what they are....I think they still have merit. They represent as person, a life, memories.

How do you re-write the reality, and make it balanced to allow for the new needs, but to preserve the integrity of the person. Perhaps I am over thinking this-as Lizzie often points out. But to me it is imperative to keep Grammy's life enriched, to enable her to maintain as much as possible, while allowing that she is not in any shape or form in the same place as 3 months ago. My aunt and uncle and cousins will be re-writing their own realities. How do they balance what they have in place with this new wrinkle?

I imagine, more than anything for Grammy-it is huge just to be released from the institutional world. She is so excited to be leaving. Who knows how long this plan will function, will be in action. Who knows how much my Grammy will maintain for herself, and for how much longer.

I do know I am sad-sad that the stupid simplicity of a broken leg has left her with the complete loss of so much. I know that we have no control over life and death-the manner in which those occur. I am having trouble acknowledging the truth. I often wonder if (and slam me if you wish) coming back to our world after being so critical in ICU, was worth it for her. Integrity-it doesn't come from a Rehab facility....that is deterioration. That is just crossing off the minutes inside of a small 4 walled space, the smells, the noises, the pure and total reliance on a staff that may or may not actually care. It's just wrong. There is no balance in that place.

Ok, I could probably take this long post to another few hundred words, and so I will stop here.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Purely Pictures Post

The weather is beginning to be enjoyable (ie sunny and mild). Yesterday we took a walk and ended up at the park. It was the 1st time probably all winter that we have all played together-Bri sometimes plays while we wait to pick up Elly at school.

The girls had a blast playing TOGETHER. I am starting to see more of the relationship building. As always, Bri followed her sister and tried it all! (There were times when I was trying to help up impossible advanced climbing structures and then running over to the other side to make sure she didn't go head over...all because Big Sissy was doing it.) Here are a few pictures I managed while I didn't have to work so hard to help Bri keep up with her sister.









Meanwhile, while we were playing, Jose and Chesie were playing too! They went to help out at a hunting competition, and then after had some free hunting time!



Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Check in time

So I have been MIA.....This is due to the influx of people in my house as well as continued germs. Both girls were diagnosed with ear infections last week and it took a few days for them to be less whiny and clingy. Then I was on super duper cleaning duty. Jose's parents came for a visit last Friday. We had a weekend of family fun, and then I was helping them to complete some projects yesterday.

Today, the In Laws are off on their own, visiting friends and family. We were supposed to have dance class, but it was canceled because Miss Barb has caught kid germs.
So far, I am enjoying the quiet calm of having no plans. It may just kill me though as my almost 2 year old and almost 4 year old are reaching new lows in their developmental behavior. I can almost feel myself channeling my mother as I holler "NO FIGHTING", "GO TO YOUR ROOM" and "LEAVE YOUR SISTER ALONE!". With the rain and icky sickies that we have been dealing with we are all stir crazy!
To sweeten the mood, I will post recent pictures of my girls.
Remember, looks can be deceiving...





I have a few more days as family hostess. I hope to pop back on again soon.